I have talked about my continuously unfolding story to strangers on the street, people on the internet, friends over the phone, and new relatives face to face. I talk about this story the way I have been used my whole and more specifically since I entered the adoption world as a waiting parent. seeing birth mama situations, using “the baby”, “her baby”…
and after 34 years, I get to change the verbiage. I get to change the titles, the labels, the pronouns.
GET, not have to.
“the baby” is me!
I am a big sister.
I have living grandparents.
I get motherly phone calls.
their mom… my grandma
his brother… my uncle
his daughters… my sisters
her sisters …. my aunts
but lets stop right there. I get asked a lot by many if and/or when I will change my language.
I am in no rush to use or claim these adjectives.
I have no pressure to label these new relatives let alone label all these feelings and relationships.
There is [hopefully] no pressure for them to title me.
when I do use them, it’s because I want to.
it may be tomorrow, yesterday, today. it may be the first time or maybe the last time.
when I use them, I consider and acknowledge all parties who also use them and have been using them for their whole lives.
when I do use them, I feel honored.
I am not replacing anyone or forgetting about anyone.
I am a stranger walking in and I do not want to walk over them. labels can take people to places of hurt but also healing.
I am blood.
I am dna.
I am home.
“God opens millions of flowers without forcing the buds, it reminds us not to force anything for things happen in the right time.”