an indescribable feeling.

this may sound crazy, really, but it isn’t.  ever since we started the journey of filling out paperwork for the adoption my body has made changes that i did not expect.  its almost like my body knows i am expecting another baby, not in 9 months, not in a few weeks and truthfully we have no idea when, but my body is changing.  my mind and body know that we are expanding our family (hopefully in the near future).  I’m experiencing cravings, the extreme need to nest, the hormonal fluctuations (which i REALLY hope doesn’t trigger AI’s symptoms), the dreams of finding out the gender, the anxiety of being prepared, the excitement for the future.

this is such a life changing experience that i needed to reach out to the world to make sure i am not alone, or just plain crazy!  i know i can’t be alone!  so once again, I confided in my “adoption confidant friend” (thats how we refer to each other) and she assured me i am not the only one! phew!  she experienced particular pregnancy symptoms and they forever seem to change as the process moves forwards.  This both brings me comfort and sadness.   i have to remind myself i am not pregnant.  I can’t ever feel that again.  The kicks, the squirms, the hiccups, or even the first trimester flutters.  But THAT’S OKAY!  This is where i am supposed to be right now.  This is my path.  This is my journey.  This IS crazy… crazy GOOD. This is my paper pregnancy.

be brave.

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