the adoption pregnancy test.

whether you are trying to conceive naturally, needing assistance with IUI or IVF, or choose surrogacy, every pregnancy test you take you hold your breath for a few minutes to get a 50/50 chance at a ☺, + or ||! the ever life changing YES! waiting to be matched in the adoption world is the worlds longest pregnancy test.  it can last hours, days, even weeks.  the first time we presented we “only” had to wait the weekend to hear the birth mom chose another family.  i thought that was the longest weekend of my life.  each moment dragged on.  this time we presented on a thursday and are hoping to hear a week later.  as i am so eager to hear her answer, i really need to focus on now, live in THIS moment.  i still have a family in front of me that needs me, my attention, my love, my focus, my energy.  i need to TRUST & FEEL, not just say or type, that this is truly in God’s hands.  I can pray, we can pray that this is our baby and that’s it.  i love the quote, “give it to God & go to sleep”, so i will try to do that.

so what am i doing to pass the time?

i pray.

i swear pinterest is convinced i’m pregnant as it keep suggesting on giving me tips for labor pains, breastfeeding techniques, shop maternity clothes, what goes into my hospital bag (ok, so i still get to have a hospital bag but for baby, not me).  so obviously i’m browsing nursery decor & fun baby needs.

i run.

i’ve looked through our profile book about a million times. refreshing my memory of what my family as to give to a little one.

i’m continuing my life with beckett and my husband.  going to gymboree, soaking up the sun in our pool.  playdates with friends and ultimately just trying to stay busy.

i breathe.

oh and i’m blogging. a lot.

its fun to think about this baby as much as its scary.  i’m one to get my hopes up but yet guard myself. sound confusing right?  if this is our baby we have to move fast but how do you move fast without getting ahead of yourself?  is jinxing a thing? bc i may have jinxed myself this morning during breakfast with beckett:

some say things happen in mysterious ways & some say it’s God at work…. almost 3 years ago exactly we got a positive pregnancy test of a growing beckett which happened to be on father’s day and look at that! it’s almost fathers day!  let’s add to the amusement… that year father’s day was june 16th 2013… we were told we would hear by this thursday… which is june 16th!  is this a sign? coincidence? God? fate?  i have no idea but i think its all pretty darn cool!

so let’s see what happens!  no obsessing, right?!

be brave.

 

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