so yesterday wasn’t the day, jinxed or not, this doesn’t mean this isn’t our baby. the same thoughts flood my mind as they have for a week, since we first saw this situation. the up’s and down’s of confidence & skepticism are draining in every way possible. we got word this morning that the lawyer was out of office yesterday which is why we didn’t hear from her. due to this particular situation, mama isn’t able to just hop on the phone or jump into the car and update the lawyer with her thoughts and feelings. things need to fall into place for her. she may have her answer. she may know who she wants to parent her child. today i’m feeling a little discouraged… whether that being we won’t hear before the weekend or we will eventually hear a “no”, michael and i both need to know. we want to move on or move forward. i’m constantly refreshing my emails, counting ahead 3 hours from our current time… i feel like i hear the peter pan crocodile clock ticking in my head all day. i hope what’s taking so long, isn’t because of her making her choice. i pray her choice is easier than harder. i hope one of our families stick out to her and her husband. i pray she is comfortable & confident with her decision. i by all means dont want to rush HER i just want to rush the clock. I am not trying to take away the difficulty of this situation. i’m not trying to demean the magnitude of this decision. like i have said in almost every post, adoption is tricky. it’s messy. it’s hurry up to wait. its holding on to a few words of hope from an email.
the clock is ticking for our answer, for the babies arrival. my brave friend calmed my nerves by telling me, “one day closer to the birth date, if this is our baby.” it’s a good way to look around the wait. to see this wait a little differently. i am also reminding myself that a “no” for us means a “yes” to another family equally eager to grow their family. i do not know who they are, what they look like, why they chose adoption, what they have to offer but i know it’s something good, just like our family. this baby will have a great home and be loved with either family her brave mama choses.
“so far, this baby has already given you some unexpected surprises, hopefully you will get some answers soon.”
we are so fortunate to have so many encouraging people surrounding us. people we’ve known for years & people we are just meeting. your words help keep the faith and they also provide truth if this isn’t our baby. thank you all from the bottom of my heart for following our journey, holding your breath with me, your messages, your vibes, your prayers, your guidance and your support. we’ll hear when we hear!
in the meantime…