an authentic process requires vulnerability.

as much as i want to disclose and word vomit all the details, i truly do not want to give information that isn’t ours to give esp because we have not matched yet.  i do want to share that we did get an update from the lawyer and our status is we are still waiting. it will be 14 days tomorrow since we presented. we have been given a date to when we “should” get an answer but at this point we are either waiting for baby to be born or a decision to be disclosed. mama has picked the family but she is waiting to meet with lawyer face to face to disclose her decision.  i am thankful we have be given enough information that we can take a breath and step off this roller coaster for a minute.  I do not have to refresh my email every 2 mins praying “today will be the day.”

we all have to remember that this is her decision, her fate, her life.  this is not our baby yet and we have to follow what she wants.  all of this is out of our hands completely.  i want her to be confident + comfortable with her choice so at the end of the day, the family she chose does not have to deal with heartache in the end.

if this is our baby, this will all be worth the wait.

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so for now, i work on positivity- try to stay on a positive path.  replace the negativity + pessimism with positivity + optimism.   trying to figure out how to be hopeful without getting my hopes up yet still remain guarded and protect myself & protect my family…. so what happens if i get my hopes up & could potentially get let down with a “she chose the other family”?? well i dont know BUT what i DO know is i have such a great support system that will help us through it.  an authentic process requires vulnerability.  THIS! this right here is why i blog.  this is why i let YOU in. into my life whether i know you or not.  i write to talk out loud.  to figure out what’s going on in my head & in my heart.  it gives me clarity through therapy. to cope. to analyze.

i really want to thank my husband.  for being on this journey with me.  this isn’t easy.  it has brought up conversations we probably never thought we’d have.  made us face fears we never anticipated facing.  we’ve butted heads, we’ve shut down, we’ve opened up; we’ve gotten frustrated, we’ve gotten closer… we are learning our “new normal” on this adventure and are discovering  our “new normal” is ever so changing.  i’m learning that not everything needs to be discussed or pushed.  i am learning we don’t necessarily have to be on the same page, just in the same book.

and again, i thank Y O U a thousand times for your love + support throughout our wait.

be brave.

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