tuesday, july 12th, we received a late night email from our local agency with a situation. this was our first since our last heartbreak & our second time hearing from this agency (first time was the stork drop back in april).
upon opening the email, i felt guarded. scared. nervous. less excited + less happy as previous times. i think i am still grieving, still mending broken strings. it’s one thing for mom to decide to parent… it’s another to have it fail because someone sets out to take others money. luckily we were not finically impacted although the emotional hit was harder to overcome.
michael walks in the door as i am opening the email. he comes around the corner & out of no where i screamed, “WE GOT A SITUATION!” apparently i am excited. i quickly scan all 4 PDF’s attached…. scanning for due date… searching for gender… scouring for maternal age… sweeping for location… switching between reading out loud to michael & mumbling under my breath.
was this an ideal situation? is there such thing in the world of adoption? each situation you receive your “wish list” changes… what was once a top priority may not be this time. you learn to be open to everything. consider everyone. soak it all up. what went wrong with our last situation? what can we do differently? what did we not see that time? what is important to us this time?
there are a few aspects in this situation that we have not yet come across- one being a request for an open adoption (building of relationships + contact). starting off this journey we always said we were open to openness but our ideal would be a semi-open (semi open meaning letters, pictures, updates sent through agency). if you don’t already know, i was adopted at birth and my adoption was private and closed. i have zero information regarding my birth parents. i don’t even know my ethnicity. being adopted was always an open discussion in our house even though a closed adoption. since each situation is very different from the next (without giving private detail), we want what’s best for the baby, which is why we have always been open to openness. there are so many benefits to an open adoption yet i can also see obstacles that we may come across (or may not). what has stuck out to me the most is a few days before receiving this email i was chatting with a friend who is dealing with a totally different obstacle in her life and she told me her mom said to her “you can never have enough people love your child.” ummm YES! spot on. you cannot. (gosh, moms are always so wise!) i absorb all the love people have for beckett & i see how it affects him. as long as their surroundings are healthy + positive + encouraging, why not!? this mama has career goals in mind that i didn’t have at her age. i commend her for that. that proves bravery. we want to see her strive + accomplish those goals and show her little one that she did what she was set out to do!
i feel drawn to this mama. not sure if it because of my adoption story + her age + her ambition + her photo or what. it’s a feeling i haven’t yet felt with another mama. i will hold onto that connection for now as we wait to hear if this is our baby.