last tuesday (yes, thankfully it wasn’t a wednesday), we got word that mama had chosen to meet with the other family. that wasn’t a “you aren’t the chosen family” and it wasn’t an official match. we were told that we were on the “back burner” per say had this meeting with the other family not go as anticipated. that left us with a lot of confusion. an open wound. did the expectant mom like both our families equally? was there apart of her still considering us? i know this decision is unimaginable but we did feel strung along. don’t get me wrong, the case worker absolutely gave us the opportunity to walk away at this point, regardless of the outcome of this meeting but how could we?! I know God won’t let us miss our baby BUT we cannot just walk away. not now. we need closure. we want closure.
so we waited.
we waited a couple of days and on thursday i got the phone call that mama was moving forward with the match with the other family.
this didn’t hurt as bad.
i have spent the days since thinking about why this was the case. i loved, i mean loved, a lot of aspects of this story. i know i said i was feeling desensitized but is that really why this conclusion didn’t hurt? maybe hearing “no” is in fact getting easier to hear? after lots of thinking & reflecting, i know exactly why. the family that was chosen was what some agencies call a “failure family.” that means they have experienced a failed adoption. for whatever reason, this family did not get their baby and were financially tied to this agency to keep praying for their baby. I know what it feels like to have a failed match but not a failed adoption. this expectant mama is going to give them their baby. i am so hopeful that they will not experience another failed adoption as i can’t image the heartbreak. a “no” to us, means a “yes” to this family and that’s what i need to move forward from this situation.
that is our closure.