We walk into our first day of school wondering if we are going to make friends with our peers. We walk into the first day of our new careers wondering if we are going to bond and make everlasting relationships. We sit at a sporting event chatting with people sitting next to us because you have one thing in common, same team you are rooting for or even just the love for sports. Sometime you think about all these things as you approach new avenues in life. You’re curious what you will gain from these life adventures and what you may lose once you set out.
I am always a step ahead of myself especially when it comes to the advantage of meeting and bonding with people along the way. Most women in my life do, but do men? My husband does. He analyzes his environment, his social relationships, and his personal attributes.
When we entered into parenthood with our son Beckett we questioned if he’ll like us or if we are going to be good parents or if he will prefer mommy over daddy. When we entered into adoption already as parents we were left thinking, “we will bond with this baby?” or “will I love the baby the same as I do my biological child?” These are real, raw questions filled with loaded answers. That was a huge hesitation when we are debating our adoption journey. Some people pray over it, some just know that will not be the case and others take their own time to either move past that fear or move on. As for me, there was no hesitation. Maybe being an adoptee has something to do with it. Maybe it gave me some sort of confidence that my husband didn’t have. Maybe it’s men verses women or mother verses father. My husband was one of those men, dad’s, seasoned parent, worried and filled with anxiety that there may be hardships when loving or bonding with a placed baby.
(p.s. he knows I am writing this and I have permission to put this out into the world.)
I spent days, hours, nights, weekends trying to convince him with words + actions + affirmations that he won’t even notice the worry once that baby is laid in his arms. That he wouldn’t even look back at the concerns he had regarding the love he’d gain + express.
I gave up.
I took 10 steps back.
maybe even 1,000.
I knew he’d discover this himself.
I had (have) confidence in him. The way he loves. The bigness of his heart. The selflessness he posses.
I knew it would be natural + fluid + easy.
… and I was right (duh!) the second I placed miss Brooklyn into his arms she was HIS daughter no matter where she came from and no matter what could have happened in the next 72 hours as we waited for consent to be signed. I could see the worry + anticipation FLY away. The air felt thinner, easier to breath for both of us.
The way he looks at her now, 5 months later, still melts me the way it does when he tickle tortures beckett while I cook dinner.
The way he strokes her head while they watch tv, gives me goosebumps.
The compliments he gives her are endearing.
The time + affection he gives to get her to laugh.
He remembers feeling hesitant but I think he forgot what that hesitation actually felt like.
To hear him say “kidS” as in plural + “our children” + “our daughter” makes me swoon because I see him light up too.
I know many families who husbands were not onboard when us mom’s were. our timelines didn’t match up.
give them their time which may mean His time. Don’t push the conversation. Don’t nudge the excitement. This process was even MORE fulfilling to me, personally, bc I made a concsious effort to take those steps back, let him breath his own air + feel his own emotion.
It all worked out better than I could have prayed for.