it was just after the 70 day NICU stay with our 29-weeker son, beckett, that i started dreaming of making my own apparel for my little dude who was finally of size to wear real newborn clothes. i mentioned the idea of a screen press to my husband but he wasn’t so on board at the time. we had a lot on our plate. a preemie, a potential big move out of state leaving our friends and family behind. “can’t you imagine all the things i could make and not have to buy!?” so many what if’s to just jump off the deep end into that type of dream.
so, for the time being i was just a purchaser, not a pursuer.
once we entered the adoption world i was finding myself with hands that needed to get busy. the wait was hard. the wait was long. hearing the “no’s” one right after the other was heartbreaking. i was finding myself living for email notifications hoping to see situations, wondering if “this is our baby.” we presented our family to four adoption plans, repeatedly hearing we were not the chosen family. some of those no’s were right away, some took weeks. the most recent expectant mom we presented to, i told myself and my husband that if we weren’t picked again i NEEDED to find something for me to occupy my time & my mind… and that was to start the online shop.
we heard our (last) no.
time to execute. time to continue the research. time to brainstorm.
michael was on amazon… a lot… comparing reviews, price checking equipment, and investigating what we needed to get started. we were both losing sleep on the logistics.
i always have these shirt & design ideas flowing in my head but now that it’s GO time… printers block. so the boxes stayed unopened. piling in the hall. the problem with having A.D.D. is collecting my thoughts and struggling to figure out how/where to get started.
we got bk’s situation just 1 day before hearing our last “no.” we presented to mama L knowing very little background information on pregnancy and birth parents. neither one of us feeling very hopeful. how could we? why would we? with this presentation i told myself that i wasn’t going to ask questions. up to this point, i knew every possible detail about each time we presented.
i knew how many families were presenting.
i knew when profiles were being presented.
i constinuously inquired when we “should” expect to hear the expectant mom’s decision.
i stalked my emails. i obsessed over texts.
all these details killed me. knowing, was draining. it made the wait that much more intense. that much longer. so. i truly left this situation in God’s hands. i didn’t hammer the agency with a billion questions. keep in mind, we were brand new to this local agency. i didn’t know how they operated, as i learned each agency runs things a lot differently. i got a call from the agency letting me know that our paperwork was received and we were officially registered to start seeing situations. at the end of that call, she quickly added, “oh by the way, i’ll be emailing you a situation later this afternoon.”
from there i prayed. i hoped. i turned over my focus.
a few days later, i got the call. “mama L has chosen your family for her little girl!”
ha! “book a trip, they say”… or in this case… “start a business, they say.”…
we are still hammering out the details, the ideas, the designs, the types of products we want to offer but i do know where i want to channel my focus:
ADOPTION. i want to help those on their adoption journey by providing fundraising opportunities and life affirmations. i want to inspire and educate those outside of the adoption community. i want to tie in being an adoptee with our personal growth through adoption.
BRAVERY. everyday bravery. being brave comes in many forms and through many outlets. moms. kids. in your home. at school.
everyday bravery has shown in my life when we made a big move from my home state, during my prime teenager years then shortly having my house burn down after recently moving in. i had to be brave when struggling with a learning disability (A.D.D.), hashimotos, tragically losing my mother at the age of 16, and never getting the opportunity to meet and love on my nephew, Austin, who was born at 25 weeks gestation. i’ve had to be brave when my son was born 11.5 weeks early then shortly i was diagnosed with an extremely rare autoimmune. i had to be brave when i was told my life expectancy was unknown and if i were to carry we could lose both myself and the baby. i had to be brave when we entered the adoption journey on a quest to find our missing puzzle piece.
i have used the cactus symbol (and donuts) throughout our adoption with no real significance in the beginning. i had an envision that i was going to incorporate an icon for the state that resembled where our baby was going to come from. in this case she was in arizona so naturally a cactus. it’s truly incredible how one symlbol has turned into a reminder to others about our adoption and about bk. i get calls, personalized gifts, tags on instagram, and daily screen shots of cactus products just to inform me people are thinking of us. the same follows suit with the term ‘be brave’. it’s comforting, inspiring, and kind of a lot of pressure (wink, wink) for me to know that people associate me with bravery. so this is where we started.
we plan to start with our instagram-everyday brave. then move up from there. eeeeek, join the ride with us and stay tuned!