it’s been 66 days since this all started unfolding.
4 life changing meetings in 3 days.
too many feelings to count.
a roller coaster of emotions with the highest peaks and deep, plummeting slopes.
I feel joy and true love yet somber and melancholy.
i’m on cloud 9 then feel a sense of depression.
poignancy: “positive and negative emotion mixed together.” it’s the ability to clearly feel two things at once without either being diminished. an accurate reminder that perfecting describes how I have been feeling and was brought to my attention by a new cousin when she reached out to me for the first time.
but the negative emotions surprise me.
new is unfamiliar and change is scary.
i have sat down on many occasions trying to blog about my first meeting with my birth mom, my first family event with my birth father and meeting my 3 sisters, nieces and nephews.
it’s been 2 weeks since i’ve been home and i am finally able to put a word to this rollercoaster: I am homesick.
homesick is experiencing a longing for one’s home during a period of absence from it.
i yearn to be with my new family. I hear and see their family functions happening around me that I can’t be apart of but this time only because of logistics.
I have always struggled with being homesick since i’ve left new mexico 3 years ago and the first time i left in 1998. family dinners, major and minor holidays, play dates with cousins, impromptu starbucks meet ups, company to the grocery store.
homesickness lessened about 1.5 years ago. i finally found my place in arizona. my group of friends are not much different than my family. for a while i kept finding excuses to not be homesick in hopes it would make it go away. it’s never gone away.
i have always been drawn to new mexico.
i have always called new mexico my home.
it will always be my home.
i believe i will always be homesick.