is this our baby?

adoption is truly beautiful.  it’s hard. it’s ugly.  it’s messy.  it’s heartbreaking. it’s inspiring. it’s encouraging.  it’s a roller coaster.  the past couple weeks have been just that — a r o l l e r c o a s t e r — we have seen a handful of situations that caused tears, anger, sadness, hope, clarification…although we did not pursue them i’m pretty confident that i will remember all the birth mothers names, their stories, their background, and their little one’s due dates.

mama “m” 8.26.2016

mama “d” 9.1.2016

mama “k” 7.10.2016

mama “h” 7.16.2016

each story has touched me in one way or another.  each detail didn’t go unnoticed. these women are so brave.  their past doesn’t mean it’s their fault.  everything we do in life, experience, try, dip our toes in, dictate our future. i am not hear to judge their actions or decision except the one they are making now and that is to place their baby into someone else’s arms to raise, to love, to support, to educate, to nourish.

 

tuesday, june 7th: we received a situation from Casey, our CAC consultant, through a law firm in Florida.  I had literally just got home from a 90 degree run with beckett and had sweat dripping into my eyes as a scrolled + read looking for any and all information to absorb immediately!  during nap that day, i jumped on the computer for a better read, to research and re-read her bio, over and over.  i called Casey for advice on some of the aspects of this situation.  she graciously talked me through the entire bio.  some of our criteria was not part of this situation so we decided as a couple to pass.

wednesday, june 8th (the next day): i woke up to an email from the lawyer and it perked my ears as this might be something we can’t pass up.  we were encouraged to submit our profile anyways.  we only had 2 HOURS to get everything sent to her all while i was on a play date! michael stepped up, frantically filled out all our paper work, scanned and emailed it to the lawyer while i sent our profile book digitally.  everything was sent 2 mins before our deadline!

a photo finish!

and breathe.

thursday, june 9th: presentation day to mama!  hey guess what we do now?! we wait.  we wait for the call from the lawyer saying she’s heard from mama and she has or has not chosen us.  we have been through this part before.  this wait is filled with mixed emotions, confusion, anxiety, excitement, panic…

we want our answer, we want to know if this is our future all the while mama is facing this life long decisions that encourages NO RUSH.  what a tricky thing adoption is.

is this our baby?

monday, june 13th:  today we hope to hear if we have been chosen.  mama has had a handful of days now to research, examine, debate, flip flop, gush over, question us along with other families.  what is she thinking? what is she feeling?  what stands out to her?  will the picture of our son stand out? or something in our kitchen remind her of something significant in her life?  will our written words speak to her?  give her comfort?  as hard as these FIVE days have been, it gives me comfort that she has the ability to take her time, make + trust her decision.  is this our baby?  is this our journey?  no matter what we are taking one step forward, one step closer.  i tried to spend this weekend not obsessing over mama’s agonizing choice.  i do have my hesitations, my up’s + downs.  one minute i get an overwhelming feeling of confidence then the next i’m crashing down on that high.  i’ve been thinking about how it will effect our life individually, as a couple, and as a family of 3.  it causes stress, excitement, anxiety, joy… is this our baby?  will we get an actual phone call? an email? wait, i thought i wasn’t obsessing! ha.  i obsess.  i’m just trying to do it casually.  i do have to be honest with you… i feel like its a no.  i feel as michael and i share our fears (which is NORMAL people!), i feel like God may give us more time.  BUT i also have to admit that there have been times in this journey that i have been wrong so truly no one knows except God!

so i leave you with this friends & family: just got word from the lawyer that mama has narrowed down to 2 families.

WE ARE ONE OF THE TWO.

my best friend told me the day we became active that “july” stood out to her.  she couldn’t elaborate on whether that meant baby due date or we’d be presented with a situation in july or what…

is this our baby?

be brave.